Something has to change

My father gives me motivational books all the time. Do I read all of them? No. Well until my commute time to and from work increased a couple of months ago. I have been entrusted with leading a new project at my day job. It may revolutionize how we do things in my department and organization... therefore naturally I accepted. Even though my commute to East New York every day is sometimes a painful one.

"I was born to lead," my father has said since I was a young girl. He wanted me to be the first female to accept a Grammy, Oscar and I think Tony. I can't quite remember. He also wanted me to own my own business versus being like him, working 9 to 5 for the rest of my life. And often, I would just let my dad talk and fill my head with all these hopes and DREAMS. As I got older, my father instilled in me that I needed an agenda for my life. Not just goals, but an agenda I wanted to live out. I took that task and went with it. I made a 10 year agenda at about 16 years old. Do you want to know what I was supposed to be doing by now? Well...

1. Married by the age of 21
2. A Teen Ministry leader for my church
3. Had a child at 25 years old

That's all I remember off the top of my head. Clearly I was on the religious train. All they really want women to do in churches (maybe not all) is to find a spiritual husband (or more like they will find one for you), then you get married, lead together somehow and then have children. You could go off and do missionary work, but that is if they believe you are good enough. I actually never felt good enough to lead for the church I used to go to. But that's another blog entry. Conclusion: My agenda changed.

I have been reading "The Art of Non-Conformity" by Chris Guillebeau; and I realize, I am kind of over writing this blog. At least the way I have been. For weeks and months, I started again contemplating if I am a writer. I used to write so much more years prior. I wrote two books for goodness sake. Something has got to change. Maybe it's me, maybe it's my environment. Who knows? Well... that's just it, I should know. I need to get in tune with myself. Listen to myself. I have so many ideas and passions. I can create more stories and characters. I refuse to believe that I am dried out of creativity. Proof of this exist. For example, I reached out to an artist I admire and asked her if she'd do a children's book with me. She was honored and said she would love to but did not have the time currently. I laughed and said, "Do not worry. I have not written a word of the story yet." Even so, I am determined to make this book at some point. It's in my NEW life agenda.

This agenda is full of traveling, leading and excelling. Even becoming primarily pescatarian is on there, and approximately when I want to have a play written and read at a table reading by actors. I am determined to choose the direction of my own life. (I made a 5 year one this time. For now anyway)

Therefore, I will be figuring out exactly what I want to share with all of you. I know it's not about Fashion Week and entrepreneurial events anymore (not to say it may not come up). It's more like my most popular post from last year about Online Dating.

Change is good. Change is needed. And it's going to happen. Lets go.